Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
