1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
