i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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