Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
