i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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