Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
