So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
