What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They took my balls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
