Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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