I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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