Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
