Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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