just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
