I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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