peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
