Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
