He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
