I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
