once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
