Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
