the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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