just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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