Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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