Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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