Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
