We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
