I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
