after a month anything with tits is on the radar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
