you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
