Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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