if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
