How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
