I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
