It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
