I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
