The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
