i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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