Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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