im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
