very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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