You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
