that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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