I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
