I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
