if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
