evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
