I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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