well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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