sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
