so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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