Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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