Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
