i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
