I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
