She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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